I Am A Christian Agnostic

Why I call myself a Christian Agnostic...

For the last few years, I’ve called myself a Christian Agnostic.

When I say that to people, I get one of two responses.

Either they look at me with wide eyes and say… “Me too. That’s how I feel too.”

Or they recoil and say something like “You can’t be both a Christian and an agnostic!”

To be honest, I get both responses. When I was an evangelical Christian, I understood “agnostic” to be nothing more than atheism light. When people used that term, I labeled them in my mind as “unbelievers”.

But the more my spirituality has evolved over the years, the more that I have become confident in admitting that actually, despite my deep faith that there probably is a God and that Jesus probably was a revelation of that God, I cannot know these things.

My favorite St. Augustine quotes (there aren’t many) is when he says, “If you understand God, what you understand isn't God.”

The undergirding idea is that if God exists and is the infinite, eternal, Creator and Sustainer of all that is, and we are finite, subjective beings, how could our minds possibly comprehend God?

We may get glimpses of God. We may have moments of experience that suggest there is a God. We may see evidence that there is a God. But to say that we know there is a God, with any degree of certainty, is simply impossible.

Which brings us to the word agnostic.

Etymologically, the break down of this term is “a”, meaning “not” and “gnosis” meaning “knowing”. The word agnostic literally means to not know.

I do not know if there is a God or anything about God with certainty. Thus, it would seem, I am agnostic.

None the less, I am Christian. I still believe that the way of Jesus is a path worth following, I believe that the Christian tradition gives us meaningful rituals, songs, stories, and truths to help make meaning in our lives. I am dedicated to studying, teaching, and following the Christian path- albeit in unorthodox ways, perhaps.

My commitment to the Christian path doesn’t negate my agnosticism. I don’t know any of the answers to the ultimate questions of life with certainty- that’s why I have faith, which is believing even when there may be a lack of solid evidence or ability to prove.

I have faith that there is a God. I have faith that Jesus reveals God to humanity. I do not and cannot know these things to be true. And I believe claiming to know, claiming certainty, developing dogma around these things is both the height of arrogance and the negation of faith.

If we could prove God’s existence, there would be no need for faith.

If we could prove Jesus resurrection, there would be no need to believe.

If God was clearly evident to all people, agnosticism would be absurd.

But the opposite is true.

We cannot prove God’s existence.

We cannot prove Jesus resurrection.

God is clearly not evident to all people.

And so it is certainty that is absurd.

The path of faith is the path of epistemological humility- admitting we don’t know and probably can’t know, but we are committed to exploring, being curious, and sometimes believing despite our lack of objective knowledge.

From where I stand, agnostics are more faithful than fundamentalists, because agnostics are honest, they leave room for questions and doubt, and they are open enough to change their perspectives should new evidence or experiences arise.

Not so with fundamentalists. Fundamentalism demands certainty of things that one cannot be certain of. It demands rigid adherence to dogmas, claiming that to reject them is to damn ones soul to hell.

Fundamentalism leave no room for faith- it demands dishonest certainty about things that there is no evidence for, or worse, that there is clearly evidence against.

When religion requires dishonesty as the path of salvation, is that religion really worth following?

And it seems to me that that the most honest assessment any human can make about the nature of reality and our purpose in this universe is that we do not know.

But that lack of knowledge need not lead to nihilism- instead, it should be an invitation to curiosity, to exploration, to expansion.

Or as Peter Rollins put it, “That which we cannot speak of is the one thing about whom and to whom we must never stop speaking.”

Life is a journey of wondering and wandering. On your journey, you may find a path that resonates with you- if you do, walk along it with joy. If you do not, continue to wander the vast terrains of existence, drinking from every well that you find, listening for the subtle winds of the Spirit to guide you.

For me, the Christian path is where I currently find resonance. Thus I walk along it. But to walk on this path invites me to be honest- I am not here because I know that this path is the truth, but rather, because along this path I feel I am getting closer to what seems to be true.

I am here not because I know, but because I believe. I am here because it is where the Spirit has led me for this time, in this moment. And I will continue to walk this path for as long as the wind of the Spirit will take me.

But I am open to admitting that this is not the only path, or the right path, or the certain path because… how could I possibly know that?

All that I know is that this is my path for this season of my journey. And I will continue to ask questions, be curious, and walk with the humility of one who does not know yet is desperately longing to a glimpse of that ultimate knowledge.

Will you join me?